a sleepless night, i put a few more pills under my tongue and make the cigarette burn out in the cold winter wind. the night sky seems empty, as if i'm am continuously looking staring into an abyss, which later looks at me. i force the ashes to fall and scatter in the wind, i force my hands to tremble from the cold that pierces my body, i force myself to disperse my thoughts and make myself empty. the city is shrouded in darkness, but soon it will burn with the sun's flames, the birds will begin to fly, burning their wings completely, and sleepy eyes will peer through the windows. this repeats every morning: i know which branch will fall first because of the birds, i know in which window the curtains will be adjusted, and in which the light will come on, i know how the sun rises, i know where the moon goes, and i know that every sleepless night I will see you. every shadow bears your image, the face of a stranger is identical to yours, every voice is consonant with yours, i skip the words that resonate with you, so as not to see you before me. i greet death in my arms with the desire to end the torment, but death looks through your eyes, embraces with your arms and smiles, making me tremble. i fall exhausted onto my bed, closing my eyelids, in the hope of forgetting your appearance and forgetting your name, i keep a cold knife nearby to plunge it into you if you stand nearby. i am filled with dependence and a feeling of hatred, because you are completely empty, so that i can see love in myself.