EN
To avoid getting emotional, I see it as an exciting career challenge in a new market.
I have been involved in contemporary dance for the last 15 years, I have done several works that I can be proud of (let's not be modest), I run great workshops, I have a professional and clear website (professionals confirm this), and any production I get involved in seems to me to be very interesting and high-quality.
At the same time, in three years, I have had exactly three confirmations of my personal work ethic and experience: my master's degree and related projects, participation in the "Stardust" project (which was very difficult and cool), and participation in the current "Tanz im August".
All other project applications I have submitted over the past three years have been rejected.
It's not all that bad: I have projects, I work with teams that invite me regularly, people prefer to work with me more than once — once they get to know me, I am happy again and again that I have project work.
But in order to work independently, I need funding. I have no problems with anything else — from pre-production and the research phase to the rehearsal process, production, and post-production.
I am a great artist.
I speak perfect German. I know how to draw up budgets and write concepts.
I am critical of my teaching and aware of hierarchical structures.
I provide dancers with a safe, open, and very clear space where the body can flourish.
But the system still does not accept or recognize me.
Perhaps it is because I submit too few applications (with each rejection, my self-esteem drops, and I become afraid to apply).
Perhaps it is because I make formal mistakes (but I have had several of my applications checked by professionals, and they say everything is fine).
Maybe it's because my name isn't big enough, and I don't promote myself enough (but that raises the question of where to find the energy to do so).
Maybe it's because I'm bad at maintaining professional contacts (I was just cursed out by someone I didn't respond to for a week after they sent me an audio message with information; I simply forgot to listen to it — they cursed me out and called me unprofessional).
Maybe it's because I don't belong to any association or Verein — I prefer to work solo because team dynamics drain me much more than they support me.
Maybe it's just that only the strongest survive in this market, and I'm not one of them (but that's beyond my control).
Both therapists and coaches say that I am working at the limit and beyond my strength.
Nevertheless, the problem remains unsolved.
I am turning to a career counselor.
Stay tuned for developments.
To avoid getting emotional, I see it as an exciting career challenge in a new market.
I have been involved in contemporary dance for the last 15 years, I have done several works that I can be proud of (let's not be modest), I run great workshops, I have a professional and clear website (professionals confirm this), and any production I get involved in seems to me to be very interesting and high-quality.
At the same time, in three years, I have had exactly three confirmations of my personal work ethic and experience: my master's degree and related projects, participation in the "Stardust" project (which was very difficult and cool), and participation in the current "Tanz im August".
All other project applications I have submitted over the past three years have been rejected.
It's not all that bad: I have projects, I work with teams that invite me regularly, people prefer to work with me more than once — once they get to know me, I am happy again and again that I have project work.
But in order to work independently, I need funding. I have no problems with anything else — from pre-production and the research phase to the rehearsal process, production, and post-production.
I am a great artist.
I speak perfect German. I know how to draw up budgets and write concepts.
I am critical of my teaching and aware of hierarchical structures.
I provide dancers with a safe, open, and very clear space where the body can flourish.
But the system still does not accept or recognize me.
Perhaps it is because I submit too few applications (with each rejection, my self-esteem drops, and I become afraid to apply).
Perhaps it is because I make formal mistakes (but I have had several of my applications checked by professionals, and they say everything is fine).
Maybe it's because my name isn't big enough, and I don't promote myself enough (but that raises the question of where to find the energy to do so).
Maybe it's because I'm bad at maintaining professional contacts (I was just cursed out by someone I didn't respond to for a week after they sent me an audio message with information; I simply forgot to listen to it — they cursed me out and called me unprofessional).
Maybe it's because I don't belong to any association or Verein — I prefer to work solo because team dynamics drain me much more than they support me.
Maybe it's just that only the strongest survive in this market, and I'm not one of them (but that's beyond my control).
Both therapists and coaches say that I am working at the limit and beyond my strength.
Nevertheless, the problem remains unsolved.
I am turning to a career counselor.
Stay tuned for developments.